SPOKEN TRIBUTES

Quay Ah Chai - A Tribute & Memories by Karen Quay

Dad was an incredible man who left a mark on everyone he encountered. I am going to tell you a bit about this amazing man I had the privilege to call Dad. Forgive me if I don’t get all the facts correct but as dad always said, "don’t let facts get in the way of a good story."

It all began in a town called Klang, Malaysia, in a township called Teluk Pulai. Dad was born on October 6th in 1947. At least, that is what it says on his birth certificate and when we had his birthday parties. Back then, births were registered whenever it was convenient for the family. Dad was the 19th child of my grandfather, Quay Tang and his second wife, my grandmother. My grandfather had 3 wives, 2 at the same time. Dad has a huge family. He was one of 21 children, the 10th son and 19th child overall. He grew up on a large estate belonging to his dad, known to the locals as Quay Tang Kampung or Quay Tang Village. Most of his many siblings lived together in this village, all coming together to the main house for meals. The children ran free around the village making mischief. By all accounts, dad was chief mischief maker. He led a band of the younger Quay siblings and the children of his much older siblings, many of whom are on the livestream today. He tells stories of how they would steal fruit, his favourite being durian from the neighbouring plantation. He also stole countless chickens and eggs from tenants renting from his dad on the estate.

Dad and mum were high school sweethearts. He went to a local La Salle school and she, to the Convent school nearby. Mum and dad would either walk or cycle to school together. Mum’s family rented a home on the Quay estate. My grandmother, mum’s mum finally forgave dad for stealing her chickens after they had been married for about a decade or so.

Dad was awarded a scholarship to study Chemical Science in Germany. As usual, nothing fazed him and he ventured off to Germany not speaking a word of German. He had to first learn the language and then complete a degree in that language. He managed to retain his German despite having completed his studies in Germany many decades ago and loved conversing in German. He would somehow finding random German-speaking strangers to chat to especially on our family vacations. I regret not having tried to learn German from dad, my vocabulary a measly, guten morgan, gesundheit and kaput. He made lifelong friends in Germany, Uncle Chen and Uncle Santi are online today.

How mum and dad maintained a long distance relationship in the days before email and text messaging is beyond me, but they did. He returned after graduation and they were married in 1971. I was born shortly after that, followed closely by Caroline 18 months later. Caroline and I must have been such a handful, that they needed 6 years to regroup, before Kelvin was born. I remember living in the “main house” on the estate in Klang when I was little. I remember gathering around the multiple large family tables for family dinners cooked by our two Amahs. We were always surrounded by family and chatter. If you have been to any of the Quay gatherings, you will understand when I say… oh the noise! This carried on late into the night with the added clack clacking of mahjong tiles. After Caroline was born, we moved away from the estate to a house of our own. Dad missed his family and we spent many weekends falling asleep on a hard plinth while dad and our uncles played mahjong. He had a real attachment to the estate in Teluk Pulai. When dad was in hospital last year, he would wake up and tell me that he had a dream he was back there about to go out to breakfast with Uncle Chai Choo. He dreamt of being back there often during that period.

Dad fell into sales as a profession. I could not imagine him doing anything else, he was charismatic, larger than life and people were drawn to him. He could sell snow to an Eskimo! One of his proudest achievements was winning the Master Salesman award for Monsanto, the company he worked for at the time. It was a recognition of his hard work and his talent for sales. It made up for the long hours he spent away working. He worked of Monsanto for many years. He enjoyed the people…the interacting and the socialising. Some became good friends. Uncle BK, dad loved your regular meet ups and was very grateful for your help when we first moved here. We also want to acknowledge everyone from his Monsanto days who are online today.

Dad travelled between Malaysia and New Zealand while he was working. He always made sure he was here for major events like birthdays, graduations and the birth of his grandchildren. He was here when Samuel, Katelyn and Zachary were born. They made the decision to move here permanently in order to spend time with the grandchildren. Madelyn, Elijah and Rosa came along and the grandparents played an important part in all their lives. Dad loved his grandchildren and was always making up games to play with them or telling them stories of his life, no doubt embellished for effect!

When he moved here, we were worried that he would not be able to make friends or find things to do to pass his time. Oh, how we underestimated him! He quickly assimilated himself into life here. He played golf 3-4 times a week and was so busy that we had to make an appointment way in advance to see him. When we would go out for meals at his favourite restaurants, it was almost inevitable that we would meet someone he knew.

He really enjoyed playing golf and the camaraderie. He was the life of every party he attended. He loved being around people and people loved being around him. He loved karaoke and he would sing in English, Mandarin and Hokkien. His two go-to songs were the hokkien songs -'cit ki sio hor sua' and 'ai pia cia e ya'. You never know, we may try and sneak those into this service somehow…

Reading the messages you all sent on his passing, I realised how many lives he touched and in so many different ways. He was a friend, a mentor, a role model, an uncle, brother, and much, much more. To us, he was husband, dad and granddad. He made sure we were secure in his love and was always supportive of us. He was very proud of his 6 grandchildren and loved them dearly. He was mum’s whole world. I want to thank you, mum. You cared for him so beautifully, especially this past year. Dad was a big personality who left an impression on those he that crossed his path and he will be so, so missed.

Tribute to Dad – 6 October 1947 to 13 August 2022 by Caroline Quay

Writing this eulogy in honour of my dad has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. How do you honour someone with a larger than life personality in a time bound speech? How do you do justice to the energy, charisma, charm, love and impact of a life well loved and life well lived?

As I sat down to write this, the messages started flooding in from round the world. Tribute after tribute, message after message from dad’s siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, old work colleagues and friends. I started to realise the extend and expanse of dad’s influence. I also realised he had lived his life to the fullest, loved with everything he had and was loved by many. The tributes speak for themselves. They provide clear evidence of dad’s big heart and his capacity to love, to include and to embrace many. I want to thank you all on behalf of mum and our family for your heartfelt messages and tributes to my dad.

It also dawned upon me how I can give dad the honour, respect and grand send-off that he so deserves. One only fitting for Quay Ah Chai. It is to honour him by telling stories and to celebrate his life. Dad was a story teller and this is what he would have wanted. So here it goes. Here are some of my best memories of my dad.

My father had a big personality. He was charismatic, energetic, charming. He was tall, handsome and had a presence. He knew this and he worked it to his advantage. He had a larger than life personality. He was the life of the party, could command everyone’s attention and will light up a room with his presence. Dad was a connector, people took to him instantly and loved being around him. He was fun and easy to be around, funny and hugely entertaining. He could put anyone at ease and he had an incredible sense of humour.

But there was another side to dad that we saw; he was gentle and sensitive. He cared for people. He was generous with his time and with his connections. He used his skills and connections to help many people; asking nothing back in return. But most importantly dad was a family man. He loved his family fiercely – his immediate family and also his extended family in Malaysia.

I am sure all the Quays joining us today would agree with me that my dad was proud to be a Quay and was loyal to his family name and legacy. To him the Quay family stood for determination, strength, entrepreneurship, resourcefulness, loyalty and commitment. Dad has certainly passed down these traits to me along with a hint of stubbornness.

One of the happiest early memories of my life was when dad took us and our cousins out of school to go to a waterpark for a day. His partners in crime were none other than Aunty Kuan who was visiting Malaysia from Australia (and who is here with us today) and Aunty Gaik Neo who was the principal of our local primary school where I attended. I recall vividly being called to the principal’s office that day wondering what I had done wrong as I was a mischievous child. Imagine my delight when I found my dad and Aunty Kuan announcing that school was out for us that day!

Dad was a devoted husband. Mum, I have always known since a really young age how much dad loved you. He used to call mum everyday when he was at work, sometimes up to 2 or 3 times; just to say hi and just to hear her voice. He travelled often for his job but he never missed calling home everyday. This was during a time when there were no mobile phones so dad had to find a land line to call home. His dedication and consistency showed me how much he loved you mum.

Dad was a devoted father. I know that migrating to NZ was a huge sacrifice for dad. He loved his hometown, Klang. He loved his large extended family and his friends; yet he gave all that up to start a new life in New Zealand; to be with his children and to watch his grandchildren
grow up. He willingly gave all that up to be near us. Thank you daddy for your sacrifice from the bottom of my heart.

I know from the tributes we have received that Dad was incredibly proud of every one of his children and his grandchildren. We were by far dad’s greatest achievement and his legacy.

My sister always wanted to be a doctor. Dad believed in her and made a way so that she could fulfil that dream. Karen, I know that dad is incredibly proud of what you have achieved. I also want to thank you on behalf of dad, mum and our family for ensuring that dad had the best care that he could get in the last year and in his last days. So many of your colleagues rallied around to look after dad’s medical needs. He received the best care. Some of you are here today, I want to thank you all on behalf of the Quay family.

Dad, I know that one of the proudest days of your life was when I was admitted as a barrister and solicitor. I still recall you beaming with pride and also enjoying the party thrown by the law firm I was working at. In true, Quay Ah Chai fashion, you left a lasting and memorable impression with my bosses and managed to charm them all.

Kelvin, when you started your IT consultancy business and ventured out on your own, dad was so happy and proud. Thank you for making sure that dad and mum had access to the technology they needed to connect with their family in Malaysia, thank you for setting up the website in honour of dad to allow those who can’t be here to pay tribute to dad and thank you for ensuring that many around the world can join us today to honour dad.

And to dad’s six beautiful grandchildren. You were all very special to your Kong Kong/ Yeh Yeh. He loved you all and loved spending time with you. You are his lasting legacy. As Uncle Teck Onn has highlighted in his tribute, you have each inherited the rich DNA of Quay Ah Chai. This is his gift to each of you.

To Samuel, the eldest grandson – you are tall, handsome and charming like Kong Kong. And like him, I think you know it and sometimes work it to your advantage. You are also caring, kind, thoughtful and fiercely loyal to your family. It is beautiful to see how protective you are of your cousins.

To Katelyn – the eldest granddaughter – like your Kong Kong, you are charismatic, charming, the life of the party and you can command any room with your presence. Kong Kong was a very proud supporter of your athletic achievements, believing and claiming that you inherited that from him!

To Zachary – you are a gentle giant who is strong and loyal. You are the quiet achiever with a big heart and a big capacity to love.

To Madelyn – you are determined, strong and resourceful. And you obviously inherited Kong Kong’s love for singing.

To Elijah – you are gentle and sensitive like your Yeh Yeh. You are also a great athlete and Kong Kong was very proud of your basketball achievements.

To Rosario – the baby – you have a big generous heart like your Yeh Yeh. We admire your empathy and love for others.

I hope you will cherish and carry these gifts Kong Kong/Yeh Yeh has left you, with pride; and to carry on this legacy.

There are so many more stories and so many memories that time would not permit me to recount them all. But I cannot finish without mentioning dad’s NZ friends.

When Dad came to NZ he quickly made new friends because of his personality. Some of you are in this room today. I want to thank all of you close NZ friends for your friendship and love for my father. There are too many of you to name and I don’t want to miss any of you out.

However, I want to specifically thank Uncle Cheah and your group of golfing friends. Dad was fiercely independent and athletic but as Parkinson’s took over his body in recent years you continued to encourage him to play golf. You drove him; and I know you modified his golf scores so that he had better golf scores than his deteriorating ability. This was to keep him active and help him continue to play golf. You are truly good friends.

Dad lived his life to the fullest. It was a life well lived and he is loved by many. He will be dearly missed. As a Christian, we have certainty that Dad is at peace and will be spending eternity in heaven with Jesus.

If Dad was here he would want us all to celebrate his life. To remember the fun times and recall the great memories we have of him. To not be sad of his passing but to celebrate and remember him together.

Daddy, thank you for the wonderful memories, for the fun times, the laughter, the love and for your devotion. Most of all thank you for your sacrifice. You did this to give us the opportunities and the better life we now have in NZ.

I love you Dad. May you rest in peace and I look forward to being united with you in heaven.

Thank You For Everything by Kelvin Quay

Dad lived a full life. He was, by no means, a perfect man. However, he loved us with everything he had. Whether he knew it or not, He gave God what was in his hand, and he let God work miracles with it. Even crooked sticks can draw straight lines. So, we as your children would like to thank you, Dad.

Thank you for your humour. You were always telling us ridiculous jokes and you always made us laugh. The stories that you've just heard from my sisters serve as further proof of Dad's cheeky and playful nature.

Thank you for all the spontaneous and fun times. Dad used to do this thing where he’d turn everything into a bet. It could be anything. A card game at Chinese New Year, a practice session at the driving range or how many coins he was holding in his left hand. We were given the opportunity to win it all. All we had to do was to place a wager.

Thank you for teaching us some of life's greatest lessons. Those of you who know Karen, Caroline or I will know that we can be a tiny bit stubborn. Some of it may be nature, but I'd like to believe that most of it is nurture. Dad taught us to always finish what we started, and to never give up. He also taught us to always give our 110% in everything that we do. The results should never matter. ‘Do your best, God will do the rest’, he'd say.

Thank you for your encouragement. Dad believed in us, and he was ready to support us in whatever we chose to do with our lives, irrespective of whether he agreed with our choices or not. We are who we are today and we do what we do because Dad believed that we were not only capable but that we would excel in our respective field of expertise.

Thank you for your generosity. For as long as I can remember, Dad would regularly pay for other people’s meals. I remember an instance where Dad and I had to share a table with some strangers at the local Bak Kut Teh store in Klang because the restaurant was packed. The good places usually are. After a while, Dad being Dad, he started talking to them. At the end of the meal, he got up, walked over to the counter and paid for the whole table! Even after us kids were financially able to pay our fair share, he would insist on covering the bill. Dad would literally race you to the counter to settle the payment. As he grew older, and was less able to run, he would sneakily excuse himself and say that he had to go to the bathroom, and then pay on the way there.

Thank you for your sacrifice. First, you did everything that you could to get us into New Zealand. You wanted to give us opportunities that you knew were not present in Malaysia. Second, you chose to give up your family in Klang, so that you could be with us in New Zealand; so that you could be close to your grandchildren. You gave up so much, just so that we could live the lives that we live today. We are now settled here, and your grandchildren continue to thrive in this country. Your legacy lives on through Sam, Zach, Katelyn, Madelyn, Elijah and Rosario.

Thank you for your fatherly love and protection. Growing up, I always felt safe. It was as if your strong arms were enveloping and shielding me all the time. This love extended beyond Mum, Karen, Caroline and I. You loved the larger Quay family with all your heart, many of whom are with us today via live stream.

I would like to finish with a scripture. Our Dad died a Christian, therefore, I believe this Word wholly applies to him:

'For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.' - 2 Corinthians 5: 1 - 5

We love you Dad, and I miss you already. I know that your soul is now at peace. And after a long hiatus, I know that you are now back on the green, teeing off on the 7th hole. It is a par 4 with a dog leg left. One day, we will be there to join you.

Spoken Word for Kong Kong by Katelyn Quay-Chin

To the friend, the father, the one we love
We celebrate you, though this day is tough
We wish you best in your life above…
Dear Kong Kong

Dear Kong Kong
You were funny, I’ll miss those days
Your joyous laughter imbued with rays…
Of sunshine.
Your presence was known when you entered a room
And filled with laughter when you taught us kung fu

Dear Kong Kong
You were gentle, such a kind soul
You cared for everyone more than we know
You’d share the best stories
Over Por Por’s meals
And encourage us cousins to catch big eels

Dear Kong Kong
You were supportive
You’d come to watch me
Chasing my goals and pursuing my dreams
You are proud of us grandchildren this we know
So, thank you for helping us to grow

Dear Kong Kong,
You were smart, an intelligent man
You left your home and life in Klang
To set us up in a new homeland
Thank you for your sacrifices
Your legacy is grand

Dear Kong Kong, you were cool
The life of the party…
Your charismatic personality made you friends
With everybody.

Dear Kong Kong
We raise a "yam seng" to the person you were
The life you lived
We’ll miss you for sure

So… to the friend, the father, the one we love
We celebrate you, though this day is tough
We wish you best in your life above…

Dear Kong Kong Kong, my hero
You will forever be loved

Remembering Yeh Yeh by Rosario Quay

It has been an honour being my Yeh Yeh’s granddaughter, I loved his personality. He was funny, generous and willing to give up his time to spend with my family and I. I loved how he would take us to one of the best bubble tea shops in south Auckland, and buy Eli and I a drink after our family dinners, and how he loved to listen to a good joke. He would always surprise us with a treat such as an ice cream or yukimi, late at night. And we would spend hours in the 2 dollar shops trying to find the MOST BRIGHT AND NOISIEST toys. Although it makes me very sad to say good-bye, I know that he is going to a place where he will be very happy.

I will forever remember him.

SPOKEN TRIBUTES

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